Recently, I started a list of funny euphemisms that pass my way. It’s amusing to see how far humankind will go to make something icky or uncomfortable sound not so bad.
Dear friend, The Wise Woman of Wandsworth, is always ‘washing her cat’ when she wants to turn down an invitation. (Odd that she has yet to own a cat to wash.) If we really don’t want to do something, we say that we’d rather ‘stick hot needles in our eyes’ but that sounded a bit painful, so we’ve changed it to ‘undergoing heated ocular acupuncture’ and may just have invented a whole new holistic experience.
Regarding body parts, there are front bits, lady lumps (for some reason this reminds me of marshmallows) and IT Guy recently said that something “gets on my…um…pecs”. Nice save.
Then there’s the expression ‘farting with confidence’ which anyone who’s ever had a touch of Delhi Belly will understand, as in: ‘He’s feeling much better and can now fart with confidence’.
Whilst on the topic of powdering one’s nose, The Wise Woman calls this ‘rinsing one’s fingers’. “Excuse me while I rinse…” she’ll say. It’s gone into our lexicon and has even rubbed off on Well Spoken Friend who chortles about the rinsing phenomenon every time we meet up, just at the point where someone excuses themselves to go to the loo. “Are you off to rinse?” he’ll laugh. It’s impossible to be discreet. In the interests of variety, perhaps we should take a leaf out of Dr Seuss’s book and say we’re ‘going to the euphemism.’