Kissmekwik cards

An Epic trick for getting out of a dark funk on a rainy, grey day when people are losing their jobs and heads all around is to visit a greetings card store where the selection is filled with humourous one-liners. I’ve been known to giggle into a fit of teary laughter doing this before.

WARNING: If you are easily offended I would suggest you DO NOT click on the following link. Seriously.

One of the best UK ranges of greetings cards for this purpose is by kissmekwik. They seem to have taken the photos from 1960s fashion mags or knitting patterns, adding a caustic caption that can be so wrong at times that it would be understandable if you snorted mucous all over the (a) card/s or (b) computer. The more religious among us may feel the need for an emergency confession and a lot of prayer after checking out this range. Anyhoo, if you want to save some cash in these crunchie times, order online. You’ll save at least 50p per card and you’ll be able to stock up your Martha Stewart gift cupboard at the same time.

To give you an example of just how naughty these cards can be, here’s a brief selection:

fag-hagSome of my friends would say this one is me as a child.


Just like the woman who turned up at Chelsea & Westminster A&E with a broken nail one busy Saturday night when a doctor friend was interning. Perhaps that was Mary, too?


Yes, well, enough said. At least we can’t see her knickers. Then again, perhaps that’s a clue.

ladybird-anti-depressantsThe hills are alive with the sound of prozac, apparently.


I once stood in line behind a woman at Dean & Delucca in New York and her order was strangely similar to this one.

multi-task-cardThis multi-use card is for those of us with a bad case of Indecision.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. jimsmuse says:

    These are hilarious! (“Jetslag”….bwa ha ha ha ha!)

    I, too, can always cheer myself up by spending hours in a hip card store. I always walk out with a few more to add to my collection, and am never at a loss for a card for a special occasion, as long as the recipient has a sense of humor!

    And if you can’t get to the card store, be sure to check out and spend a few minutes daring yourself to send one of these insane e-cards to a friend, significant other or co-worker!


  2. epicurienne says:

    Hi Jimsmuse – thanks for that link. It’s nuts! Just my style. Some of the kissmekwik cards are so evil/queenie/just plain rude that I had to think twice before putting this post up, just in case someone took it the wrong way. SO RELIEVED that you’re there, sharing my sense of humour.


  3. planetross says:

    I used to send obese naked lady cards to a friend’s father for no apparent reason other than I didn’t know what else to do with them. I don’t know why I bought so many in Amsterdam; I possibly have a postcard fetish. hee hee

    note: my “hee hee”‘s are starting to creep me out. hee hee


  4. epicurienne says:

    Hi Ross,
    I remember obese naked lady cards, in fact I think they still do the internet rounds from time to time. Did you sign the cards or leave them anonymous?
    hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.
    Creeped out? Good.


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