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A Love Letter from Bosch

 

Someone lovely at Bosch sent me this poem last week. I thought I’d better share it – what a comment! Long, considered, amusing…what do you think I should say by reply?

I was thinking about sending a poem back to Bosch. While I look out my poetry cap and write something worthy of the Bosch poet’s time, perhaps in iambic pentameter, maybe a haiku?here’s the comment that was left on my post about that little Italian workhorse vehicle, the Ape.

Epic, oh Epic…
Lovely Epicurienne
Your blog has inspired us
To pick up our poetry pen

And celebrate your love for food
(You gorgeous bon vivant)
We’re jealous of your travels
You have the life we want

We’re picturing you on a Vespa
Or on an APE (ah-pay) as it is called
Travelling to France and Italy
Keeping us all enthralled

With your Epicurious adventures
You really make us smile
Which is why you’re our favourite blogger
You’re number one (by a mile)

You’re probably aware of us
We make household appliances
That deliver yummy recipes
That define food blogging sciences

We’ve seen you hangin’ out in restaurants
Dining in Kerbisher and Malt
We’ve made the compact kitchen appliances
Just bring your own vinegar and salt

But even before you flew
From New Zealand to old Blighty
We were making gorgeous products
More beautiful than Aphrodite

We’re also in the food processors
Which help you make tomato paste
Like your hero Kenny Everett
It’s all done in the best possible taste!

And now that you’re moving house
And hopefully have outdoor space
Our range of gardening accessories
Can help you customise your place

Whilst we know that you’re quite cultured
And know your decorative arts
Our mission is to develop technology
That wins over minds and hearts

…that power your weekend wagon
For you and your beau Monsieur
From brakes to your ignition
And the bits that make your engine roar…

When you worked in the world of auctions
You kept valuables protected
Our Bosch security alarms
Ensure that burglars are detected

We wish you’d blog more often
As your posts sure are a beaut!
You keep our stomachs growling
(You cheeky kiwi-fruit)!

You are true blogging royalty
In you, a friend we’ve found
So spare a thought for us today
Because Bosch is All Around (http://bit.ly/BoschUK)

Hope you enjoyed that (come on over and say hello on Facebook or Twitter)!

http://on.fb.me/ShbgAU – Facebook
http://bit.ly/ShbyrC – Twitter

Show me your Tequila Face!

If you could don a moustache and the look of a seasoned tequila drinker to convince a casting agent that you are the new face of Jose Cuervo tequila, would you do it? Maybe, but you’d probably need a bit more convincing that it’s worth your while. What if I told you that as Jose Cuervo’s Tequila Face you and a group of your bestest amigos/amigas would be whizzed off to Mexico for an all-expenses paid holiday of a lifetime? You’d even star in Jose Cuervo’s new film. Would you do it then? If margaritas and a good, chocolatey mole are your kind of thing, then I think the chances of a positive answer would increase manifold.

The chances of Epicurienne becoming Jose Cuervo’s Tequila Face are slim to nil, in spite of recent efforts at a Tequila Face event. I joined the Jose Cuervo gang at Cargo in London’s Shoreditch, where the guests were greeted with large white envelopes. Inside each pack was our new identity for the evening, along with a couple of key accessories to help us get into the Tequila Face mood. My new persona? Veronica de Sanchez.

 My accessories? A beret and a pair of aviator sunglasses which were adopted so fast that I could have been Speedy Gonzales after his sixth double espresso. Taking a glass of margarita, I quickly decided that my alter ego has been drinking tequila since her grandfather first slipped some into her bottle when she was six months old. Apart from that, my identity brief told me that I was ‘One of Mexico’s hottest actors’, but fellow party-goer, Lolly a.k.a. Juanita, thought Veronica looked French. Apparently, Veronica is famous Mexico-wide for faking her own death in a soap called ‘Love in the Sky’, or ‘El amor en el cielo’. The soap is set in an airport. I love airports, so the creators of my new self certainly got that part right. I only wonder how she died. Was she caught in a propeller? Poisoned by in-flight food? Run over by a speeding baggage trolley? The intrigue grew and from behind the aviator sunnies my new theme song became: ‘I wear my sunglasses at night’.

With the help of some old buddies from Mexico -  Zorondo, Juanita and Guillermo, now sporting wrestler masks and headphones and faux moustaches,  we had a blast. And who wouldn’t with friends like these? Zorondo is the music-producing pioneer of the Mexican dance scene with an unhealthy obsession with Michael Jackson, although for this outing he thankfully left his spangly glove (singular) at home. Juanita is a DJ cum soap star bombshell who appears in La Fea Mas Bella – we swap make-up artists to keep our looks fresh. Meanwhile, mask-wearing Guillermo is a retired wrestling champ who keeps a clean-shaven chest for those plunging necklines he wears with brazen aplomb whilst practising his other favourite sport – ballroom dancing. So far, this was a seriously fun event.

(Veronica in borrowed ‘tache, taken by Juanita on her i-Phone)

Once dressed up, part of the deal was to sit on the casting couch with Jose Cuervo’s casting agent, Vince Frank, to have our ‘casting’ filmed. Suffice to say that Vince didn’t seem to like me very much. Gone was the soft-centred foodie; I was now a diva with attitude and a big, fat pout, in spite of the fact that the botox was wearing off. Veronica was taking this alter ego stuff very seriously and her (faux-Mexican) accent was getting stronger with each sip of margarita. Pity The Poor Vince. Was I Epicurienne? Or was I Veronica? It was becoming hard to tell.

Casting aside, there were tequila-based cocktails to try and Mexican hors d’oeuvres to nibble. Mention margaritas and I’m there with bells on so I was a happy little starlet to find that the Jose Cuervo margaritas did not disappoint. On the food front, one kind waiter fed me extra skewers of teriyaki chicken because it was oh-so-lipsmackingly tenderlicious that I couldn’t stop saying so. Perhaps he was just pleased  to lighten his load on the tray, but my tastebuds were not complaining.

On the food front, prepare to drool because here’s what we enjoyed throughout the evening:

  • Tangy tomato salsa and guacamole with taco chips
  • Marinated olives with rosemary, lemon and garlic
  • King prawns, jalapeno, red onion with coriander and lime
  • Seared tuna with salsa verde served on a chic black ceramic spoon
  • Tequila-marinated salmon ceviche – so succulent!
  • Chicken teriyaki on skewers – melted in the mouth
  • Thai beef salad, mint, soy and red pepper in a filo cup
  • Torillia cigars, refried beans, cheddar, harrisa and coriander
  • Chorizo and butter bean hot pot served in a crystal espresso glass – Mexican with elegance.

There were also three cocktails to choose from, all made with Jose Cuervo tequila, and in spite of the fact that they all looked divine, I stuck firmly to the margaritas. Deeeee-lish.

  • Cuervo Classic Margarita: Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila, shaken with fresh lime juice and Triple Sec, served straight up in a salt-rimmed glass
  • Cuervo Diablo Flower: JCE Tequila appears again, this time shaken with fresh lemon juice, pasteurized egg white, Vya dry vermouth, creme de cassis and a touch of lavender eau de vie
  • Cuervo Maracuya & Apple Punch: More tequila, this time shaken with pressed apple juice, fresh passion fruit and Noilly Prat Rouge vermouth, sweetened with agave nectar and served long over ice. Finished with a float or cherry liqueur, these cocktails were as pretty as coconut ice in a glass, but even so I did not desert my beloved margaritas.

If all of the above isn’t excitement enough, we also had wrestlers to entertain us by slam dunking each other and some of the braver guests among us (not me!) WWF-style. Surreal or what?

 Luckily, there was a photographer there to capture all the fun.

(Veronica with Zorondo, Juanita and Guillermo, and Splendid Organiser, Splendid Chris)

At the end of the evening, which was sensibly not too late, we were all presented with very generous goodie bags, including enough tequila to keep Veronica de Sanchez happy for a good while longer, more aviator specs in case Veronica breaks hers on set for her latest flick, ‘Tequila Mockingbird’, and a Tequila Face t-shirt, so that even if we don’t win The Big Prize, we can still pretend that we did.

So, my little chicos and chicas! If you want to enter the Jose Cuervo Tequila Face competition, you may. Just click here  to visit Vince Frank’s Tequila Face casting room to find out what to do. Hint: a big moustache works wonders and a sombrero may not go astray.

You can follow Vince Frank on Facebook or tweet him sweet tequila on Twitter:  twitter.com/VinceFrank, but be warned, he can be harsh. He recently told Veronica to get herself an appointment in Harley Street. Why? The pout needs more botox, apparently, and Diva Vonnie doesn’t need to be told twice. Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! And she’s off…

Epic’s three for three London meme

This week I’ve been the lucky recipient of two meme requests for the same meme, so I’m going to kill two bloggers (not literally) with one stone and post my meme answer for both here.

Firstly, the meme requests came from Rax Lakhani of the blog raxraxrax and Michal of The Polski Blog.

The meme asks for three answers to each of three questions. Here goes.

1. Name your top three non-work websites.

Hmmm. Only three? That’s tough. In the interests of being fair to all the amazing blogs I read, I decided to restrict this to non-work and non-individual blog websites.

For TRAVEL I log on to Travelblog. This is where travel enthusiasts post about their trips as they happen. It’s great for travel planning because you can read about the real experiences of real people in real places, not just hyped-up travel journalism fuelled by freebie junkets.

For FOOD I’m currently reading the Britain’s Best Dish page at ITV.com. This is a great source of real recipes cooked by real people. I think you can probably tell that I’m quite into REAL.

For a GIGGLE I check out The Darwin Awards site. It never ceases to amaze me how people can meet the grim reaper in such incredibly stupid ways. I remember one tale about a parcel bomber who had to put a return address on his parcel bomb in order for the post office to accept it. The parcel was unable to be delivered, so it was returned to him. He didn’t recognise his own handiwork, opened the box and BOOM! I think you can guess the rest. What a doof.

2. Name your top three karaoke songs.

Well, karaoke + Epicurienne = not so pretty. I do recall singing California Dreaming at karaoke once. I think that was when Take That were still together. Then I had a flatmate with a karaoke machine, so I was forced into singing a bit more often at that time. If I have to sing something, then I quite like ABC’s The Look of Love and Don McLean’s American Pie (NOT the Madonna version. That was a mistake. Mind you, I’m sure mine is far, far worse.)

3. Name your top three weekend cocktails.

Why WEEKEND cocktails? I don’t drink cocktails that often, but if it happens to be a Tuesday evening and you pour me a great cocktail, I’m hardly going to say no. That would be rude. And silly.

The Epicurienne would have to be number one. How many people can say they have their own, bespoke cocktail? Thanks to Smirnoff, quite a few of the London Bloggers’ Meetup Group can… and I’m one of them. It’s basically a Smirnoff mule (Smirnoff red + gingerale) shaken with pineapple juice, chambord and strawberries. Deeeelish.

I absolutely cannot refuse a Mississippi Mudslide – tastes like an alcoholic chocolate shake, comprising a naughty blend of kahlua, baileys and (if you really want a kick) vodka, all blended with ice. I also love lemon martinis made with limoncello.

So that’s my three for three.

Now I have to name three more unsuspecting folk to carry on the three for three. I’m asking:

  1. The Free Alcohol Blogger, who should know a thing or two about cocktails,
  2. Marketing Blagger, whom I know for certain enjoys cocktails, but can he hold a tune? Let’s find out.
  3. The Adventure Quester, who’s bound to come up with something we haven’t thought of yet.
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